Yesterday, I boycotted my own blog.
My loyalty wavered and I wasn’t feeling very cave-girl-like at all.
I ate dates and bananas and apples to feed my sugar cravings (a classic case of emotional eating) and I felt terrible after CrossFit, exhausted even.
I felt isolated because it is difficult to socialise and eat out and I am tired of cooking three times a day, down to the last condiment. (I need to go on my own Paleo package holiday!)
I also recalled that I felt much lighter, more energetic and motivated, the first time I ate my way through 30 days of Paleo.
I even started to think, what is the point? I am generally fit and healthy.
I don’t suffer from an auto-immune disease or any other disease. I still have this flu-like problem from the beginning of the 30 days, that I thought should have been magically cured by the powerful Paleo food and all of my efforts.
Then I started to reflect – what is the point? Why am I doing this? Is it just to look good? I haven’t lost that much weight and I really don’t think I am going to reach my goal.I continued to contemplate…
I eventually remembered that my motivation was to stay as young and as strong as possible for our children and grandchildren, a future where I can run and play with my kids and not refuse them, because mummy is too tired, sick or can’t be bothered.
I have a history in meditation and energetic healing. I am not the classic, scientific Paleo girl.
And sometimes I have to give credit to the idea, that it doesn’t matter so much what we eat, but how conscious and aware we are, of what we are eating.
If I eat a slice of chocolate cake and then feel guilty for the rest of the day, it will effect my body negatively and not just because of the gluten, sugar, dairy and various nasty chemicals. Guilt, negativity and stress can cause cancer just as much as the next granola bar.
At what point does eating healthy and exercising hard become an obsession that is counter-productive. How much CrossFit, is too much? Too much can increase your cortisol levels, damage you and block you from your ultimate goal – health and happiness.
Do I really care if I have a soft, round stomach – not really.
If we nag our kids constantly and condemn them from eating burgers, chips, pizza and chocolate – at what cost will that be?
Where is the middle line? How can we find the balance?
I write here everyday about Paleo and eating healthy, but who am I to say what is right for everyone else?
I am continuing my 30 days because it is only one month of twelve that I have to be a bit obsessive and I am not craving bread or spaghetti, cake and not even a nice frothy cappuccino – I just want to relax and not feel limited. I yearn for freedom of choice. I do appreciate the health advantages of my efforts, but I will be very happy when it is over.